Attempts to resolve the Quandary:
3
The grammarian said to his mistress, “Dear, may your sentences be as zaftig as your figure, as plump and pleasant to nibble; may you not force-feed me terse, tough imperatives, that are impossible to masticate, but express your wishes in gentler optatives, that do not leave me searching for a verbal vulnerary.” (by Rudi)
2
When the zaftig tart rolled her eyes and whispered the optative “save me from this disfigured dwarf”; I set myself the task of masticating her very soul and, though it took two full years, I tossed her back upon the street seeking solace and a soothing vulnerary for that shattered soul and broken heart. (by gumo420)
1
"Dear Lord, please let Abigail return my phone call!" said Professor Whorter optatively while, masticating his granola meditatively, he gazed adoringly at the Rubenesque form of his beloved as it appeared in a small photo propped up against the cereal box, her jolly, zaftig person the perfect vulnerary for his wounded heart. (by cusheamus)
4
"May you gain some weight," the groom's unusual optative statement, stopped the overweight bride's mastication immediately, as she wondered why he was acting like he didn't know about her use of food as vulnerary for everything, but the chewing resumed as he finished his sentence: "June, you will be zaftig". (by QuaQua)