Attempts to resolve the Quandary:
1
Theresa wasn't feeling too well; she thought she was dying – and if RIP were written on her descanso. It would stand not for Requiescat in Pace, but rather, Regurgitate in Pieces – like the diced carrots which are always there, no matter that you haven't eaten them for yonks; and her feverish imagination, so twitterpated felt she, wondered what it would be like to live in a hermitage on a desolate rock in the turbulent seas, with no world beyond the cliff edge to fret her; and she typed 'Theresa wasn't feeling too well' into Google Images and one of the pictures was of Theresa May in a bilious green jacket and a skirt far too short for her knobbly knees, and Theresa grabbed another sick-bag and spewed again – then haltingly typed: “ah've wrotten wottah've writ butta cannae wricht nae mair,” and hit submit.
(by MissTeriWoman)
2
Tired of regurgitating her excuses all over again, Teri typed a descanso and addressed it to the heirs of the twitterpated resident of the Hermitage, stating simply: "a stop is not a comma and a Capital is not lower case and I renounce my membership of the Honourable Company of Sub-Editors of The City of Edinburgh Pro-Tem!" and as there was no post-box on The Lady she handed it to Eunice with a request to send it by Oceanic Mail, and so it was popped over the side of the vessel into the Foamy Brine (yet again) below!
(by MissTeriWoman)