Quadrivial Quandary:  Logophiles, Rejoice!  Each day we give you four unusual words.  Can you fit them all in one illustrative sentence?

Attempts to resolve the Quandary:

1

But when Tavish entered the office, where he had seen Tammy tickling MacFarlane, it was empty, he ran to the other, in which Bernie had been caning the Abbot, Father Pandelion Gillyfeather and was surprised to find both his daughter, Tammy, and Bernie sitting together on the bed, giggling; “where is he?” he asked, and Bernie answered: “gone, them both and another man,” and then Tammy spoke: “Sir Parlane MacFarlane came in with a man whose face was covered in blood and spoke with the Abbot, and they all left together, someone – I presume it was you, Dad – had attacked the one they called Dominic, and they intend to ride to Edinburgh to have a Will registered somewhere;” and Tavish sat down heavily: “it's my fault, they are trying to swindle Thomas out of his inheritance and I have provoked their departure,” and he told them of his encounter with Doubleday and his fury when he had seen him abusing the little girl; “don't blame yourself Uncle Tavish,” said Bernie, “you can't always be sophrosyne when you encounter such things, you did the right thing,” Tavish rubbed his head with his hands, “that's as may be, but the birds have flown the coop and vanished like a mirage; I apologise for mixing my metaphors but I'm pretty agitated – did they say which way they would be going?” and Bernie grinned: “oh yes, and they won't have got far; they went to the Stables for their horses, but my one, The Abbot, has a bum red-raw from caning, and Tammy says she squeezed MacFarlane's balls so hard they swelled up and he complained they were on fire,” and Tammy added: “maybe I was a little over-enthusiastic and used a bit more pressure than necessary, so might have ruptured the paries, but I'm not particularly practised in handling a man's apparatus; and with Dominic's broken nose, they're none of them fit to ride, in fact if they aren't still at the Stables, they're probably in the Infirmary, getting some kind of salve for their battle wounds,” and Tavish jumped to his feet: “come on then, lassies, no time for chit-chat, I swear on a stack of Bibles I have Murder to commit this day!”

(by MissTeriWoman)
The Quandary for Saturday, March 26, 2016 consisted of: Challenge: use all four words together in one illustrative sentence.

Since September 2009, word lovers have offered 7149 sentences — each one a surprise — to QQ's unique and growing library. Explore other Quandaries through our word list or the calendar below. View yesterday's QQ resolutions or pick a day at random.

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