Quadrivial Quandary:  Logophiles, Rejoice!  Each day we give you four unusual words.  Can you fit them all in one illustrative sentence?

Attempts to resolve the Quandary:


Declining to be referred to or addressed as Miss Cannary, her birth name, and faced by Wild Bill's assertion that he had never been married to her, Martha Jane agreed to be known as Calamity, just as Hickok, who had been christened James Butler, was referred to within the house as Wild Bill, or often, simply Bill; Calamity told her story as if she had been given an aperient which loosened her tongue: "well Captain," she addressed all her remarks to Tavish thus, "efter Billy was murdered an his body disappeared, ah went after that mean-eyed, two-faced, no-good, two-timin, double-dealin, bad-tempered, shit-shovellin, snake-in-the-grass Jack McCall but cos ah weren't at home an didn't have ma gun with me ah borrowed a bread knife an intended to cut his eye-swivellin, nose-drippin, tongue-twistin, ear-flappin, baldy-haired head offen his neck but he wurrn't nowheres in sight – ah guess he knowed ah was efter him, the fast-talkin, foot-jumpin, custardy-coward yellow-skinned fur-coated, flat-footed thievin-rascal that he was so ah asked ma good friend Dora DuFran," Bill interjected, "she's the biggest whore-monger in the area, if you know what I mean," at which Calamity fixed him with a piercing look and he shut up, and she continued: "well the knife I filched, err borrowed, was an immense one that coulda sawed his head off like it was a lump of oldy-mouldy cheese, an Dora comed wimme to Nuttal and Mann's Saloon and we reconcocted the Accident; ah don't suppose y'all know that Mr Alan Pinkerton asked me to join his Detective Agency? mebbe ah shoul've, he said ah wuz the most natural mental detective he'd ever met," and she glowed with pride, recalling the compliment and failing to hear Bill's sotto voce mussitation to Tavish that "he probably said 'defective' there," and she carried on again: "well, we rounded up the witnesses an seated em at the table, with me in my Bill's chair, back to the door," and turned to face him directly: "why'nearth you ever do that, it's sumpn you never did and never shoulda neither, so why, Bill?" and Bill shook his head, "nobdy'd swap, I asked Cap'n Massie and Charlie Rich, but they both refused, so I just stayed there," and he looked around, so Calamity resumed: so there was Fred Buthnot, Massie and Rich, an me; now ah'd asked Dora to tap me on the head and I'd try to envisange what happn'd next but, Lordy, she was just supposed to slap me, like this," and she slapped the back of her head and let out a yowl, "jumping Jehoshaphat! ouch! ah gotta lump the size of a Ostrich egg here," and turned to Aunty Crist and asked her to feel it, which she did, while Calamity kept yowelling until she felt ready to continue when Auntie Crist went to get a poultice for it, saying that it was about the size of a ping-pong ball: "so it musta been a God-Awmighty whack with a mallet or sumpn, everythin just about exploded in fronta ma eyes! ah swear to God, God help me! looked like them fellas round the table were flyin away from me before ma very eyes but in slow-motion and then everythin went black, but not black, there wuz stars and moons and suns spinnin around in it, an it went on forever ah've nevva seen such a sight in all ma born days, ah do declare, an then at last it did all go black and when ah woke up, or at least when ah opened ma eyes ah wuz lyin on green grass the likes ya nevva see in Deadwood nor anywhere out West, it was so green it near made ma heart bleed to see it, ya know whut ah mean? but ah set up an looked around an that's when ah saw one o those feathers you had stuck in yer hat-band, Billy, an ah looked around some more an ah saw that you'd bin lyin on the grass too, just aside me, like as if we'd bin lyin on a marriage bed," and she gave him a wink, "so ah set up an looked around some more an ah saw your trail gone down the hill an atween some houses an ah follered it around an about an saw you'd come up some kinda driveway to this house, an fer all ah knew it might be a doctor's or lawyer's or even a Preacher's or sumpn, an ah wiz pretty mussed up from rollin on the grass so ah snuck around the back to see iffen ah could get a peek in a winder, but you kind folks spotted me an the door opened and split-ma-sides ah wuz invited in and here ah am, right here, tellin all you kind gentle-folks whut happened – though who brought me here an dumped me on the hillside, av no idea, cept it must be the same as done that for you Billy, brungin us here to Virginia – tis Virginia, ain't it? am near the mark, surely?" and she stopped talking, while she drank from a glass of lemonade, and gazed around the room, then said: "jeepers-creepers, ah don't magine av ever addressed such fine company afore, yerself septed, Billy, but am right glad av fund you and sure as daith, am keepin close to you now efter goin through all that to find you," and she gave him one of the sweetest smiles that lit up her weather-beaten face and made her eyes sparkle with the devotion it projected; which was when Tavish leaned over and began to tell her that she was now in Scotland in the year 2017, and she laughed and said: "an yer gonna tell me it's to do with worms and the figmental nature of space/time, now ain'tcher?" and when Tavish showed surprise, she turned to Bill and seized his hands, "wouldn't yer know it, Billy, they've met that feller Einstein, ain't it just so Captain," and Tavish, astonished, asked her what she knew about Einstein, and she slapped her thigh, like a Principal Boy, which was when I thought she looked rather like Doris Day, but a bit more tanned and weathered, and then she said: "oh he was wanderin round Deadwood last week, said he was a German and was followin a trail, though he din't look like a Scout to me, but he'd lost his money an ah asked him whut he did an he said he wuz a Professor an ah asked whut a Professor wuz an he said a Teacher so ah suggested he could give a lecture in the Town Hall for a small cover charge an he thought that a spankin idea so me an Dora fixed it all up fer last Thursday – where was you, Billy, you din't come to it?" and he sighed, "no, Calamity, I was in the Saloon, loin money as per," and she slapped his knee: "you missed sump'n real special; he's a funny little guy, with a walrus mustach and wild hair, but when he talks, he's electrifyin – gets real animated – an though ah didn't understand evrythin, it all made sense somehow: anyway, what he said was that there's like a huge balloon full of jelly and the universe is in it, evrythin, Earth, Sun, Moon. Stars, an all the rest, an Time, he's particularly intrested in Time, Billy, it's fascinatin: he said that all Time is in there with the rest an it's all happnin, now the word was, sim-simul-simultaneously, yeah, which means at the same time, so while am sittin here talkin to you gentlemen – and ladies, ah mustn't forget you – am also comin in the door, an walking along Billy's tracks from the hill, an getting whopped by Dora, an you getting blasted by McCall that rat-faced, skunk-smellin, dung-smokin, fast-trickin, son-of-a-polecat, but anyway, it's all happnin now, so iffen there's a itsy-bitsy break in the stuff that's all around us, like a tear or a stretch or a kinda softness that you can slide inter, it can swoosh you along past lotsa other times that's happnin as well and like if you pushed a knife into a jelly till the blade sticks out the other side you sorta pop out wherever that happens to be, an there wuz other bits about accelerators an stuff but that's what he called a Wormhole am ah right Captain?" and Bill leaned close to Tavish and again muttered: "defective!" and Tavish looked benignly at Calamity and said: "Jane, I don't know if I could put it better myself, but then, I haven't had the pleasure of meeting Professor Einstein, though I know something of his works; how did the benefit go?" at which Calamity clapped her hands: "well, singin an dancin it weren't and there wun't no gals on stage, but there's Christians in town read books an the Pastor came with his wife an the schoolmarm and quite a sprinklin o the Temperance Union an the folks what use the Lendin Liberry an the editor o the paper an some other ah spose what you might call respectable folks and Dora's girls came with her so he made enough to keep him for a good few weeks and the newspaper put a picter of him on the front page with a Headline: Professor Einstein says we're all Generally Related!

(by MissTeriWoman)
The Quandary for Tuesday, August 08, 2017 consisted of: Challenge: use all four words together in one illustrative sentence.

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