Quadrivial Quandary:  Logophiles, Rejoice!  Each day we give you four unusual words.  Can you fit them all in one illustrative sentence?

Attempts to resolve the Quandary:


It was Grace who first heard the knock at the door: "oh! gosh! is it them?" she cried in alarm. but then remembered that if it were Sir P and Mr W they would not knock, for they each had a key, so hurriedly she threw a gown about herself and ran over and opened the door cautiously: "oh! it's YOU!" she cried happily, and admitted the two lodgers from downstairs: Fred and Ernest, dressed in their preferred way, as Fanny and Stella, clearly intent on a night On the Town and, preferably, ending with a Night on their Backs if they picked up a couple of swells looking for Gels with Extras! "oh, you look so lovely," cried Grace, for indeed they did, "going out trolloping?" and the pair giggled, "of course," said Fanny, it's so much better having a place of our own to bring a gentleman friend back to, it wasn't easy up in Tottenham; I mean, two fellas can go into the Public Lavatory," and she wrinkled her name in a moue of distaste, as she said it, "but a couple of Gels can't go there with friends, and this place is so convenient for the Theatres and Gin Palaces," and Stella picked up the theme, "and once we get our show on the stage, it will still be handy for us, we are so pleased that your Friend, Sir P, has given us the rooms downstairs, though we haven't yet had a chance to thank him properly; will you be seeing him soon?" and Gracie informed them that Sir P and Mr W were coming here this very evening, could she pass on a message. at which both Fanny and Stella clapped their hands and Fanny said: "oh, yes please, can you tell him that we would be delighted to see him, and his friend, perhaps they might like to come down for tea some afternoon and we could be able to demonstrate our gratitude?" and they both winked, to be sure that Gracie got their intent: "don't worry gels, I'll give Sir P the message and the wink!" at which all three giggled and then, after giving Grace an affectionate hug and kiss, the two walked to the street door, turned and gave her a little wave, and then went out into the gathering night; which was when Grace realised the time; she hurriedly wakened Sadie from a deep sleep, told her it was 7.30 already and the gentlemen would be here within the hour, so Sadie dragged herself out of bed, washed her face from the handbasin on the sideboard, and started giving Grace orders for getting their clothes ready and tidying up the rooms; they worked quickly and by 8.15 everything was spick and span and they were dressed for company, the bed feshly made up and several bottles of liquor on the sideboard, so that they could rest for a few minutes and get their breath back: "you know what we did?" asked Sadie, and Gracie nodded, "yes, it was wonderful, dearest," and Sadie took her hand: "well, I just wants yer to know, sweet'eart, that I love you with all my body an soul," which made Grace blush, "and I you, my dear," was all she could manage. then Sadie explained: "we're actresses, Grace, you an I, we put on a performance for the swells an gents an nobs, we praise their Todgers an their Pogos (which is Mr W's name for his doo-dah) an we admire their virility an we suck them and they fuck us an we tell them how magnificent lovers they are, but that's our job, it's what we're paid for an how we earns our livin, but never forget who you really and truly are: you are a Woman an you ave your own self an your own bean and your own identity, which is none o their business, so we gives em what they want but after that, after the show and the ovation, when they leave the stage, an it's just you an me, that's when we is ourselves an it's no-one else's business what we does, cos what we does we does for ourselves an each other, do you know what I mean?" and Grace realised that she did understand and that she did love Sadie – the first time that she had ever felt that passion for anyone – and she would be quite happy to forget all about her previous life and spend the rest of it with Sadie, even if it did mean practising a bit of kayfabe, as Sadie called it, acting out for the men who were happy to pay for the temporary use of their bodies; they meant nothing to her, but the money they earned in this way would secure their future together; "all right, dearie, it's time for the show, I fink I can ear their footsteps in the hallway. put on yer smile an let's give them the action!" but after a short knock at the door, when Sadie opened it, instead of Sir P and Mr W, it was a young boy, a street-sweeper named Jam, who she recognised as his regular patch was Drury Lane, where he plied his trade, sweeping the street for any Lady or Gentleman wanting to cross without dirtying their shoes, or, in the case of Ladies, their long dresses; Sadie and Grace had reckoned him to be a gentle soul, not very quick-witted, but a steady worker and they never used the epithets they heard other passers-by hurl at him and the animadvert and arrogant manner by which they treated him (Stupid, Imbecile, Moron – and from photographs of him which are still extant, he has now been diagnosed as having Mowat-Wilson Syndrome) some simply dropping a coin in the dirt for him to retrieve but he always seemed quick to smile at both of them; well, here he was and, surprise-surprise, he had a note for them and handed it to Sadie, and she paid him 6d, rightly guessing that he'd already been given one by their mystery correspondent who'd engaged him for the errand, and sent him back to his work; Grace sat before the fire and Sadie read the note, addressed to the both of them: "it sez" she said,

Dear Ladies,

Due to an unexpected visitation by my Uncle, Walter and I will be unable to visit you tonight, however, I have been able to find a replacement: my dear friend Mr Charles Dickens is leaving in a month or two for a Lecture Tour of the United States of America and, as he finds himself at a loose end tonight, I am giving him a Present of you both,

I know that between Grace's Tongue and Sadie's Quim he will have a thoroughly good time; don't trouble yourselves or him about the Fee; it is my gift and I will pay you for your services on the morrow,

have, and give, lots of Fun;

all my love to you both,

Paladin xxx

"well," said Sadie, "there's a Turnip for the Books! wot a portentous letter – not that I've got any problem abaht it, but I ain't never bin given to a Gent as a Present, Gracie, nor I doubt ave you, as yer?" and Gracie shook her head and asked: "do you know this Gent, this Mr Dickens?" and Sadie nodded vigorously: "oh yes, Gracie, I knows im, I've addim atween my legs afore, oh, but not fer a long long long long time, e's got a legal wife and famly and anuvva wife, a actress, why e must be in is mid 50s benow, e's written lots an lots o books, aren't you read any of em gel? look ere!" and she fetched a couple of books from under the footstool, where there was a little shelf, and handed them to Grace, who read the titles: Oliver Twist and A Christmas Carol, "can I read them?" she asked, eagerly, "course yer can, gel, wot's mine is yours, ain't it? but look, it's gone 8.30, Mr Dickens'll likely be ere in jif, so pop the kettle on, e likes a nice cuppa an a chat afore e gets to work, an don't worry if e scribbles in is notebook, wile we're talkin, e's always done that, I reckons it's ow e gets ideas for is stories, ask im bout Little Nell or the Murder o Nancy by Bill Sykes! oh! e can tell a tale in such ways it makes yer feel as tho it's appenin right in the room before yer very eyes, but once e's ready for a bit o a frolic, yer get down on yer knees and warm im up wivva good lickin an suckin an I'll get mesel ready on the bed fer the Grand Openin! we'll give im a night to rememba fer a long long time, you an me Gracie, we'll in-toxi-cate im wiv our e-roti-cism!" and with high spirits, they lit and placed candles to give the room an air of intimacy fitting for such a distinguished visitor!

(by MissTeriWoman)


Robert was a very unfortunate man, having been born with Mowat-Wilson syndrome, and thus was given to declaiming in a portentous manner on events that everyone knew to be a complete kayfabe, but personally I chose not to animadvert upon his speeches, out of respect for his condition.

(by OldRawgabbit)
The Quandary for Sunday, September 17, 2017 consisted of: Challenge: use all four words together in one illustrative sentence.

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