Off I went, smartly dressed in my new twill jacket, to enjoy a toothsome lunch at the Old Palladium cafe; however all did not go to plan, for the bitterness and heat of the chili dog set before me caused such pain in my otic membranes that I called over the waiter and told him derisively that his hot dogs had too much of a bite!

But then I looked back in my old diaries and found the date, September 23rd 2017, exactly twenty years ago today, there I found the entry: awakened by the sound of fire-crackers beneath my window, that had disturbed my otic nerve, every time I heard it, my heart missed a beat, so I pulled back the curtains and looked down to see a young woman in what might have been cavalry twill, holding a revolver and firing off shots at an apple sitting atop a fence-post; I guessed it must be another visit of the Shottstown Ladies Quick-Draw Club, though I didn't recognise this girl, but opening the window wide I called out to her to stop, or the neighbours might phone the police, and that was when the apple exploded and I realised she was using live bullets; quickly I ran downstairs and out through the back door to come face to face with this stranger, shooting up my Aunties' garden: she was pretty and fair-haired, rather toothsome to me, she reminded me of my missing cousin WPC Gertie Mountcastle, but this was no time to be distracted by lascivious thoughts: "who are you?" I demanded; "well, who's askin?" she replied, rather derisively, as she scanned my pyjamas and slippers, probably taking in my tousled hair and unwashed face and I realised I hadn't yet brushed my teeth! "I'm Teri, Theresa Genevieve Somerville, and I live here," and she laughed: "well, howdedo Miss Theresa Genevieve Somerville, of Here, wherever that is, pleased to meet you," and despite her mocking my name and home, when she held out her hand – having transferred the pistol to her left – I took it; her grasp was firm, slightly sweaty from handling the revolver, but she smiled warmly and said, "ah'm Annie, Miss Annie Oakley, Sharpshooter Extraordinary, or extraordinaire, as they say in France, at yer service!"