When I agreed to buttress the home team by participating in last Friday's fundraising film quiz I perhaps should have foreseen the inclusion of Disney trivia, but was under the misapprehension that the Plutonian reference was to classical mythology and not to that jaundiced cartoon dog; and therefore I plead 'mea culpa' for what in today's hipped parlance is, I believe, termed a thinko.
My dear people - subjects, serfs, whatever - thanks to Neptunian intervention, the rising Thames having now most expeditiously submerged those contumacious un-Parliamentary shenanigations, I welcome you one and all, dear meeple, to the Elysian good life under the sole management of me, your absolute and imperishable Monarch.
While the enduring doxa of our clergy may occasionally accommodate - how shall I put it? - recreational Uranian activity, this behaviour cannot be construed as a wilfully aberrant contumacy, but on the contrary emulates the hegemonic example set by our archbishop, whose partiality for cultivating the green carnation is well known.
'It is without a smidgin of embarrassment that - as I daresay the Supreme Court will presently allow - I, your annointed Leader, hereby assert my indefeasible right to prorogue Parliament not for the tenth, not for the eleventh, but - wait for it! - yes my friends for the twelfth time, and shall continue so to do until that frowsy, malodorous lot of lame Lefties' (addressing the Opposition Benches) 'eventually learns the ropes.'
Leaning over the fence (our back gardens being conterminous) my neighbour buttonholed me to say that the rosebuds I was just then swiftly gathering were malformed pseudomorphic sports; to which I carelessly replied "carpe diem, old chum", knowing that I was to be shot at dawn.
Satan's devotion to the spread of pseudology is clearly not factitious, for it is ever his praxis to ramify untruth throughout the world.
Barney Blenkinsop gave the Headmaster cogent reasons for declining the offer of a pedagogical career in the Physics Department: namely that at interview the panel had failed to challenge several suspect entries in his curriculum vitae - including his own (but pseudonymous) stated name of Isaac Newton, and his listing as referees several upstanding burgesses poste restante Ruritania.
At first blush you might deem it an utterly trivial pursuit, the quintessence of nugacity indeed; but I tell you, there's nothing quite like burling your own fags and puffing on some Auld Kendal.
As strictly required by the terms of his employ, the aumildar remained coldly imperturbable when (on calling to collect from her the year's first weekly payment) Mrs Miggins merely simpered and declared that of course she would pay next time, urging him for now to take a slice of her Twelfth Cake - which impertinent, utterly nugacious offering he efficiently declined.
That morning Gordon 'Simples' MacGordon was not in a couthie mood, indeed he was habitually curmudgeonly, dourly pressing out yet another eccentric swaged nipple while bemoaning the sheer nugacity of his occupation; for he had learnt that not only had demand for steel pipe products collapsed, but that lungwort - which the doctrine of signatures assured him was the remedy for his advanced pulmonary disease - was yet again unavailable in the staff canteen.
Charlie's pneumonic capacity as the orchestra's tuba player was legendary, originating from the evening when, during a furiously fortississimo cadenza in the bruitist post-Futurist concerto specially written for him, his visage became violescent with supreme effort and the cacophony so great that the plaster festoons and swags adorning the auditorium walls were dislodged and sent crashing to the floor.
It would be altogether odious were I to advert even en passant to the heliacal rise and fall of Voluble Victor, that sunny star of hedge fund fame and fortune who has turned into a morose Silent Sam since joining the lowly ranks of the nouveaux pauvres.
If I may allow myself a brief nudiustertian reverie, a fond harking back of some forty-eight hours to the very inception of my exhaustive set of New Year Resolutions, I there and then unhesitatingly determined that - in the interest of sustaining an unwavering procrastination - the initiation of all such imminent and possibly injurious pledges should be prefaced by the following forestalling anacrusic exordium, to be rehearsed ad libitum as a species of unconstrained 'vamp till ready': "If I may allow myself a brief nudiustertian reverie, a harking back of some forty-eight hours [etc., etc.] . . .".
Long, lamp-lit reveries poring over my rare coin collection, unfortunately attributed by former drinking buddies to the mania of a miser, are in truth exclusively numismatic, my increasing fervour causing me even to absent myself from the festive compotation and convivially happy hangover of last New Year's Eve, thanks to the joyous acquisition of a superb sterling silver 1854 florin.
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