While the peace treaty between Harnsnoorn and Kiffleflimp began auspiciously with that beau geste, a knees-up invitation at Harnsnoorn Castle, the agreement was abrogated with startling celerity when King Kiffleflimp's heir Snoold was found to have dappled the Harnsnoorn Pachal Lamb with egregious regurgitations.
Whilst Cheesy Pomplington was fully aware of the gravitas of the foolscap menacing him from its lair on the bureau, he chose to dismiss it as trifling bumf and return to the enticing riddle enclosed within The Mystery of The Perplexed Turbot.
Dorelia Ipigenia Lissington clung to the mullioned window of her ascetic boudoir, scouring the sky for any seadogs, in which, in her descent into pareidolia, she might read messages from her faithless lover Tertius Grumpsnickle; but the clarity of the sky was ineluctable and Dorelia flounced over to her lonely bed in a crescendo of ululations.
It was Miss Strinch, the perpetually snitty librarian at Glowert Hall, who discovered vandalism in the works of Dumas; pasted in between the tales of derring-do and adventures that betide the characters were images of an unambiguously voluptuous nature, and the shriek that emanated from the library upon the discovery of the grangerized volumes caused the local guard to rush in to vanquish the legendary Glowert banshee.
Estrella Goodchild, though generally known for her charming mansuetude, was determined to untangle herself from the exsanguinating clutches of her rapacious fiduciary; thus while everyone thought her innocently having an afternoon kip on the chaise-longue she perfected the arts of witchcraft, until one day she was able to shove her tormentor onto a handy plinth and petrify him into a statue forevermore.
Aloysius Huffington-Gore, gentleman detective, limned the body of the unfortunate victim as an aide-memoire, carefully sketching the horrified rictus and the disturbingly incarnadine blotch on the glabrous surface of the forehead, and noting the suggestive possibilities leading from his observation that the shape of the bullet wound indicated that, in fact, a stiletto heel had been used as an autoschediastical gun...
Tarquin Quiverish remained dedicated - in the face of low-browed whispers of 'circumbendibus' - to his euphuistic grandiloquence, such as his fondness for describing the park as 'chatoyant sylvan valleys, shimmering with their aureate hues'.
At first she descried his presence only peripherally; it wasn't until his dendroid fingers gripped into her vitals, the veins carved out like crenellations, that she became aware her concrete consciousness was descending into a mess of spasms and judders.
Viola Vuoco, attired simply in a mazarine silk with nosegay of violets, gradually sank into a coma of ennui at the Tittle Pompington Charity Bazaar, inwardly cursing the eleemosynary tendencies of the spinsters menacing the crowd, and speaking only to reply to a enquiry about her opinion of chiliasts with 'Oh, I think they are such a nuisance in the cold weather on one's toes'.
Isadora Bellaphonia wandered pensively through the quincunx of Rosa damascena bushes until a maidservant tottered up with a letter from Elaginous Shriksnittle, the maid swiftly departing upon the commencement of a characteristically excruciating shriek from Isadora, when, instead of being forced practically against her will to read tales of all the awfully nasty goings on in the 'boondocks' of the Colonies, she discovered that his scribblings amounted to nothing more than tediously tautological dribblings on the subject of her pure unsullied innocence.
In an attempt to placate his ladylove for his latest indiscretions, Topaz Pavonine-Arbuthnot titivated her boudoir with blossoms and diaphanous garments, creating an atmosphere the ne plus ultra of cordiality and hedonism; however when Xenobia Aubergine entered she adjudged the decorations a mere munich and his ejaculations of her pulchritude crude, thus she demanded he leave immediately, rose in teeth and plus fours around ankles notwithstanding, or suffer defenestration.
When members of the High School Musical Appreciation Society attempted to shanghai lexicographers at the OED offices into accepting 'kewl' as a valid neologism they were frogmarched from the building, logophiles everywhere appealing for a moratorium on all such obscenities.
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