After the Wicked Witch of the East succumbed to having Dorothy's house dropped on her by an inconvenient tornado, the equally scabrous Wicked Witch of the West comminated Dorothy in an explosion of rage; she also coveted Dorothy's slippers, forcing the child to flee to the smaragdine glories of the Emerald City, where she sought refuge, as well as advice from the fabled Wizard of Oz---alas, he turned out to be merely a nice old man with bad breath.
After his septentrional travels among the polar bears and caribou of the tundra, Marco Polo's accounts of his bizarre adventures made his fellow Italians think him a true mythomane, and the incomprehensible casuistry with which his lawyer argued against the resulting charges for fraud reduced the courtroom to a stour of laughter, swearing, and attempts to punch Marco Polo in the nose, during which the entire scrum fell through a window into a canal, where the fight continued---thus giving birth to the game known as 'Marco Polo.'
The twenty-year-old jawan returning from battle jumped on a tomato- and sweat-stained fustilugs and they tumbled down the bumpy, snow-covered slope of a couloir; this scene was captured and promulgated in the New York Times, granting them eternal fame and embarrassment thanks to the picture of the soldier being squashed under the bulk of his opponent's posterior.
The handsome, well-muscled guy was so tired of his girlfriends fiddling with their hair instead of admiring his beefcake self that he advertised for a bald girlfriend, specifying that she be a "bland pilgarlic," so that he would not end up with the sort of tattooed and be-pierced woman who was not to his taste; thanks to an unflagged corrigendum, however, the ad asked for a "blind pilgarlic," and he ended up with a bevy of inked, annulate applicants who couldn't see their own hands before their faces, much less his gorgeousness.
Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom wanted "Springtime for Hitler," a worshipful pastiche of Hitler's life, to be so pediculous it closed on opening night, so--among other things--they commissioned choreography in which chorus girls goose-stepped around the stage as tittuping SS officers.
When Dr. Watson became a Quaker, he was so repelled by the violence of his Sherlock Holmes stories that when the time came to revise them for a new edition he removed all the murders--so that "Silver Blaze," for instance, was reduced to a story of a missing horse--and fled to the Antipodes; when Holmes discovered that Watson had bowdlerized the stories he trailed him to the South Pacific, where he found Watson had become an effusively friendly drunk, and Holmes got his revenge by rigging an ingenious device whereby Watson's beer barrel popped its spigot just in time to drill the good doctor right between the eyes.
Gustatoria Montoya's case of pica began with her eating pink teddy-bear fuzz and 7B sketching pencils, and shifted to magazines: she subscribed to "Cineaste," not because she was a movie-lover, but because she found the chemical coating of the pages delicious; this additament to her diet made her stomach hurt horribly and portended that, unlike an MGM musical, she would not have a happy ending.
In his old age, Sherlock Holmes used to appear in classrooms telling children about his earlier life as a hawkshaw; being punctilious about the truth, he felt the need to explain to the students that Dr. Watson often confabulated in his accounts of their cases, and that the stories of grisly murders, bizarre impersonations, and spectacular heists were just so much bushwa: he actually spent most of his career finding lost pets.
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