The maddening, tautologous cooing, cooing, cooing of pigeons drove Throckmorton into such a frenzy he began to dance a wild merengue with one hand waving free, chortle, outgrabe, and divest himself of his clothing with blissful, mindless abandon.
Throckmorton awoke with a headache for the ages; blearily surveyed the detritus of yesterday’s hymeneal celebrations from his makeshift bed on the ballroom floor; noticed with a contrite grimace the shiny gold wedding band on his left ring finger; then slid into an Eeyorish gloom followed by a pain deadening swarf.
"All this talk about 'grocking' one another you just see as so much hippie blatherskite, don't you dad, and the workshop on Ophidian Suitheism is just an anodyne for wealthy people with too much time on their hands, right dad !?" Heather shouted, slamming the door on her father's Bentley, as he dropped her off at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur.
Though he set the River Thames on fire, though poets sing his praises, yet no deeds of his can justify nor words can dulcify his sickly presence on the throne; only when the pretender be deposed, and Richard restored regnant to his lawful place will the canker on the body politic be cured.
Although there were parvenus aplenty at the Altamonte Country Club, the admissions committee received Bert's application for full membership like the wind blowing off a nunatak after a series of reported gaffes and gaucheries: "dining with his ample maw open, peas and potatoes spilling out on the table;" "chasing the peacocks higgledy-piggledy around the grounds, cocktail in hand," and the final straw, "flaunting a Gold Presidential Rolex with diamond-encrusted bezel."
"Higgledy-piggledy the panicked party goers scattered over the blood-stained snow straining to escape the gory maw of the grizzly," the contestant began; "wishing they had refused the invitation of a Gatsby-like parvenu to attend a nunatak party in Alaska," he concluded.
In an off-season practice run, long-jump skier "Chowderhead" Wilson flew down the ramp at Vikersundbakken with the single-minded determination of an anti-aircraft missile, schussing off into space in perfect V form, oblivious to the startled crowd of conlanger conventioneers below who screamed "Go back! Go back! No snow!" in Klingon ("tlhIngan Hol"), but as the unforgiving snowless ground rushed up in a final blur it dawned on him his finish would be more sepulchral than triumphal.
It is written in the Sacred Scrolls that Rab, ("He who makes mischief") secreted galactagogue in the goblet of Ka the Cow-goddess, who unsuspecting drank deeply at the table, and as she trotted home across the Sky-bridge, her pendulous udder swung from side to side and sprayed the Night with milk, and so gave birth to the starwashed *(Ed.note: a neologism) Milky Way, and this galactic prank by Rab some Gods judged heinous and worthy of punishment, but others deemed glorious and worthy of meed and praise.
Carried along in the "social slipstream" of his employer Lana's rocket to stardom, her personal assistant Melvin mixed and mingled with soigné celebrities and jet setters until against Lana's better judgment he convinced her to wear "comestible clothing" to the Academy Awards, promptly turning her into a laughingstock and the target of every frustrated farceur in the tabloids, e.g., "Lana Turns Over a New Leaf," etc.
After she got the kids off to school, did the breakfast dishes, and removed a greasy blemish from her husband's collar, Betty escaped her unglamorous domestic routine by curling up in a cozy inglenook with Audrey Hepburn's biography: "In My Fair Lady, Audrey glided into the Embassy Ball a vision of elegance in satin and chiffon, the mirrored crystal beads and pale bullion fringe on her gown and her resplendent diamond tiara and necklace answering in kind the refulgence of Edwardian society."
"Fracking is simpatico with the environment, poses no significant health risks, and answers all our clean energy needs for years to come," the oil and gas industry representative confidently claimed, making the process seem as attractive, natural, and fresh as a posy, but failing to mention that "proppant" (sand or ceramic material suspended in high pressure water along with a corrosive, carcinogenic, and poisonous mix of formaldehyde, acetic acids, citric acids, boric acids, benzene, and radium among many other posy and people-killing chemicals) may not scud directly down the fracking pipe as planned, but instead take an unscheduled detour into the aquifers which supply our drinking water and end up in glasses on our dining tables--not as planned.
Gazing out the window of his chambers at the unhappy tax collector dangling from a pillory in the town square, a bumfuzzled look on his face, the Right Honorable Judge Ratliff wrestled with his conscience over the harsh sentence he had imposed: perhaps he might have slaked the people's anger and tempered justice with mercy by amercing the man for his malversation; the wretch's sentence could still be made right....
In a show of gastronomic macho, Gascon swaggered up to the judges' table at the Loosiana Pepper Tasting Tournament ("Pusillanimous polecats need not apply") in his trademark galligaskins, consumed a Cascabel, a Carolina Reaper, and a Trinidad Moruga Scorpion in quick succession, promptly let out a howl heard in the next county, and awoke bumfuzzled in a local emergency room.
Looking down from its cloudless aerie high on a promontory, the eagle saw with smaragdine eye the struggles of earthbound boffins below, bumbling and bumfuzzled, and serene with effortless ease shoved off and soared on broad wings into the boundless blue.
Mignon "sessile" ladies lallygagged passim.
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