Long ago, in a cabin surrounded by a dark and ubiquitous bosk, an innocent young girl bent solicitously over a relation's bed, expressing her tender concern to an imperfectly disguised imposter whose true identity she was about to ascertain: "My, what big teeth you have, grandma!"
Meanwhile, Rod was roused from his own drug-fueled stupor to field (not always as solicitously as he might) what seemed like the thousandth angry phone call from one of the bands' many victims: "I don't care what the hoopla is about, or whether you had to scuttle the tour, or how litigious you are--I'm NOT their manager--F off!"
No sooner had the captain of HMS Intrepid given the order to scuttle his wounded warship to prevent its capture by the enemy, than a hoopla developed among a litigious faction of the wardroom whose solicitous concern for their own well-being far out-plumbed their shallow devotion to duty--the mutiny had begun.
"Und so you see," the psychoanalyst said betraying a slight Viennese accent, "the patient initially presented as a misologue who mistakenly believed his reasoning ability was 'indigent' so to speak, but in time he developed a marked überkompensation, devoting himself to Applied Logic, a field in which he became an ostentatious success, noted for his solicitous attention to detail, and for adopting the cape, deerstalker hat, and magnifying glass of the famous fictional master of deduction, Sherlock Holmes--altogether a remarkable case history, gentlemen."
From his virtual podium the white-haired professor of political history--something of an old gaffer--explained to his class how smurf accounts helped destroy American democracy early in the twenty-first century: "To help hide their echt identities, corporations and wealthy individuals created political 'smurf accounts,' (an expression borrowed from the early Internet) which they gave misleading names to like 'Americans for Progressive Values,' and into which they poured unlimited amounts of money to pay for "attack ads," sound bites of sophistry which very effectively confused the voters about the real issues and smeared candidates who were not "in their pockets" (Check your idioms!), so that in time an oligarchy of wealth and power seized control of the country, and the brief shining moment we know as "American Democracy" was no more--class dismissed!"
Trump warily eyed the antique Ming chair which the dealer earnestly assured him "once supported an oriental potentate," and "would blend well with the chinoiserie" in his Park Avenue apartment, but fearing his sophisticated guests might deride the expensive purchase as a mere floccinaucinihilipilificative reproduction, and their host just another rich parvenu hornswoggled in the high-end antique market, he demurred with "I'll give it some thought."
Studio writers rejected 'orgulous,' ("ugly as your Aunt Tizzy") preferring 'proud' or 'haughty' to describe antebellum Southerners like Scarlet O'Hara intransigent in their ways who were forced to humble themselves by competing with wangling carpetbaggers after the Civil War.
Exhibiting what one observer later referred to as "a nearly infinitesimal degree of common sense," Morton chose as the topic of his address to the National Convention of Vicars, Thomas Fuller's acerbic aphorism, “The devil gets up to the belfry by the vicar's skirts," a topic he eagerly engaged from the rostrum, waxing volubly about "heresies" and "depravities" among the lesser clergy, until a gherao of fist waving clergymen brought his silver-tongued oratory to a premature end.
In a desperate effort to win back the affections of Lucinda, the sweetheart he had so foolishly jilted, Melvin concocted a scheme which would prove either a brilliant success or an ignominious failure: he would get himself up in a a hurdy-gurdy man's outfit complete with wig, mustache, fedora, vintage hurdy-gurdy, and rented monkey with chain, station himself at the entrance of Johns Hopkins where she practiced as a brain surgeon, and once the loved one hove in sight, grind his way back into her heart by playing their favorite Stone's tune, "Miss You."
"TOAD-ily delicious, master!" were the final flattering words and feeble bon mot of the last known toady immediately after he mistakenly swallowed a true poisonous toad and shortly before he flopped as part of the ignominious and now superannuated scam of toad eating.
Losing his cultivated air of nonchalance, Bert broke down, "Ah, the ignominy of it all!" as his champion, "Zeptomole," veered off the subterranean race course, wambling here and there, while the other contestants, "Petamole," "Micromole," and "Minimole," burrowed bee lines straight for the finish.
With the necessary assistance of his dutiful page, Sir Lancelot ("Prancelot" to his fellow knights), a model of chivalric comportment, laboriously prepared for battle with the inimical Saracens by encasing himself in successive layers of armor like (anachronistically) a Russian Nesting Doll, or perhaps an iron onion: first, he slipped into a second skin of chainmaille; next, he strapped an iron plastron over his stout but vulnerable chest, and for good measure overlay the plastron with an iron hauberk emblazoned with the catchy motto, "CARPE DIEM;" then, in order, he piled on besegues, pauldrons, a lance rest, counter, vambrace, taste, poleyns, a cuisse, greaves, and sebatons; finally, he donned a hefty iron helmet (skull, visor, sight, breaths, gorget) and iron gauntlets to protect the knightly head and hands; adding in the whole layered ferric process --lance, broadsword, dagger, shield, tunic, and belt excluded--sixty ponderous pounds which sacrificed ease of movement for the illusion of invulnerability, and which did not prevent the random arrow in the eye.
Returning to his cell from the prison yard, Abagnale saw a single falling star extinguish itself through the welkin, a keen reminder of his quondam criminal career which had once burned brightly, fueled by factitious currency, fraught with the seeds of its own downfall.
Burger, a burgess, was by nature and inclination a ponderous sort of fellow, ponderous in his ways, ponderous in his thinking, and ponderous in his bulk; not the type of wight one would expect to trip through the tulips and leas in Central Park au natural; nor the type to coax a lissome lass in the effort, ribbons streaming, hind parts gleaming in the springtime sun--and yet, there he was!
At first blush it appeared to farmers of the Stalingrad collective grain would fill the tower silo to repletion, but as harvest season wore on, it became clear the terminus mark would never be reached, stern behests and apoplectic fits of Commissar Putin, notwithstanding.
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