Cllr Shelley Ball was brimming over with the excitement of it all – ex cursus I might add that although like her distinguished brother, Martin Elginbrod QC, she carried the same genes as he and their cousin Duncan Doubleday, that did not of itself make them MacFarlanes, they were just a couple of markers short of the current, though apparently disappeared in mysterious circumstances along with WPC Gertie Mountcastle, baronet, Sir Pantagruel MacFarlane, retired Diplomat and former Head of MI6, and determined scourge of the corrupt organisation founded by their common ancestor, Sir Parlane, The Ring of Gold, and while she had produced an entire rugby team of boys, and, it must be admitted, the girl, she could not hope to compete with the masculine members of the family, except in one particular regard – and she desperately felt the need to tell someone of the Great Conspiracy in which she was being allowed to join – oh! the larks it would be; oh! the fun to see those Nasty Nats get their comeuppance; oh! the delight if she could make the Butch Lezzy Jew Bitch Roxy Davidova deceased; but then she had a thought – how does smearing Fish and Chips with a story about an alleged adulterous conception and hidden bastard get her any closer to the Throne she covets? she really had to ask someone – but who? or whom? and that was when she remembered Uncle Ralphy: she knew he had been charged with various offences towards minors in his home, but couldn't for the life of her remember there ever being an actual law against enjoying sexual congress with colliers, she certainly had in her youth when she invited brawny strikers into her residence at uni to demonstrate that even though she was Posh and a Tory to boot, that didn't mean she couldn't enjoy a Bit of Rough! she still liked a frolic in the hay with the Gamekeeper, and his son, so no-one could accuse her of not knowing how the other half fuck: very well indeed, in her opinion; but Uncle Ralphy, such a sweet old man, a dear soul, such a shame to hear of him being hounded by the rozzers, and she decided that he should be her confidant! they had so much in common – both enjoyed Fox Hunting, Riding to Hounds, Dogging around the Kennels and so on – so without losing a moment, she phoned him and invited him round for High Tea, which she knew would provide the setting and the buns to enable them to discuss the matter with the gravitas it deserved; and sharp at 3pm, Ranulph Ochan'toshan and his good friend and fellow rosarian and life-long member of The Ring of Gold, arrived at Shelley's farmhouse home, together with their two pretty God-Daughters; while the girls watched a cartoon on the television with Gandolfo, her husband and cook/housekeeper, and the girl, keeping them company and supplying drinks and biscuits, Shelly told the two old friends of the Plot to undermine Fish and Chips by producing the supposed product of their extra-marital union: oh! how the chums roared with laughter and complimented the rising star of the Party for the ingenuity of it; bashfully, not a normal feature of her make-up, she confessed that it had been hatched by her brother Martin and the ACC, Duncan Doubleday, her cousin: "splendid!" cried Ralphy, munching a Prahok sandwich: "and you will no doubt reap the benefit – that Dyke Dwarf, Roxy Davidova has neglected her role in the Party for far too long," and Albany suggested that he would have a word with The Master of The Rolls, Lord Bouffant, and ask him to declare Davidova Legally Deceased, which would clear the way for Shelley to leapfrog any other aspirants and occupy the Leader's seat: "mind you, Shell," Albany said gently, "you might need a larger one, adult sized, for that short-arse uses a child's chair so her feet can reach the floor!" and together they agreed that the greater the publicity, the more damaging the effect would be on the Nationalists: "they try," said Ralphy, looking over his shoulder, "to portray themselves as having ethics and scruples and being the defenders of the Common Man, but you, with your Rugby Team – and the girl – at your side can present yourselves as a microcosm for the Ordinary Family with yourself as an Ordinary Wife and Mother, most fit to lead the Party and the Country and their plans for Indy-Ref 2 can be deep-sixed!" which was music to her ears!