And outside the Mission Hall, keeping on the blind side of the driver of the Rolls, Bernie Cohen and the Private Detective Campbeltown Loch held a quick conference: "ma brither Duddingston, he's ma Partner, well he's inside, he got in the Vestry windae an up through a hatch tae the loft, he's got a wee tape recordin machine aff a pal at the BBC so we'll get aw thing spoken aboot oan tape, are ye conversant with the technology aboot noo? he's disguised the microphones in dried floo'er displays, they'll never find um, well no unless they search the place, an iffen it goes pear-shaped, Duddingston can vamoose oot the fire escape in thurteen secs, A to B, but it wulny come tae that; an wur sister Tangy . . . . ." he was interrupted by Bernie asking: "is that really the name of a Loch?" and Loch looked closely at him, as though expecting an insult, but seeing none, replied: "aye, mon, it's ower by Kintyre . . . . ." and then Bernie asked: "are there any more of you?" at which Loch looked blank, "mair o us whit?" he enquired, looking genuinely puzzled, "more of you named Lochs?" and he scratched his head, "we're aw Loch, thon's wir name, why?" and Bernie felt a fit of the giggles coming on, despite the importance of their Mission, "I mean are you all named after Scottish Lochs," and Campbeltown now looked pityingly at Bernie, "course we ur, we couldna be named efter English Lakes, unless oor surname wiz Lake, noo, could we?" at which Bernie gave up and listened to the rest of what Loch had to say, which was: "an wur sister Tangy has planted twa o yer wee laddies in ane o the Hooses, she's got hersel a joab as a Hoose Mither an there wis twa vacancies in the Hoose an faced wi an urgent application frae Social Work the Aunties approved it afore the noo Uncles goat stertit, so Snooker Tam an Wee Boabie are in – av spoke tae thur parents gave them the Honest Truth an they've approved it, am mebbe no a Spin Doctor, but a ken hoo tae bring tears tae a wummin's een!"