And so it came to pass, intoned Blind Harry, in a voice that sounded like two boulders rubbing against each other in a burn in spate, that The Lochlann had to gird his loins and beard Lord Torquil Glum, Hereditary Chieftain of Clan Glum, in his ancient Ancestral Home, The Glower of Glum; it was a Monday morning, a wild and blustery day, with the winds howling aff the sea, clouds heavy with tartan rain pouring in from the Western Isles, freshly washed sheets snapping and straining in the gale; The Lochlann was alone and he met Lord Torquil in his ain chamber, the yin whaur the Ancestral Shields an Claymores hang, mementoes o the battles waged by Glums of Auld when they claimed Glen Glum from the Northmen and the River Glum ran red wi Northmen's bluid for forty days an nichts; 'twas a dark an forbiddin chamber, the only licht cam fae the moon shinin through the wee windaes, and Lord Glum sat in his Ancestral Throne and he offered The Lochlann a glass o the Purest Uisge Beatha as a token o his welcome; The Lochlann perched on a wee stool, the only ither seat in the room, placed so that his heid wis ablow Lord Torquil's knees markin him oot as subservient tae the Laird; "there's going tae be a War," said The Lochlann, and Lord Glum looked at him through the amber nectar in his ain glass, observin hoo the Uisge Beatha maks men seem but shadows, an he askit: "wha's goanie tae be fechtin in this War yer oan aboot?" and The Lochlann said, "the Airmy o the Laird o Glum against the most evil, cunning, brutal, and dastardly enemy it's ever been the dread o sane men tae face: the Red Etin o Ireland, an his sidekicks, MacFarlane an Doubleday! we'll slay the hale lot o them and burn them in effigy atop Ben Glum for aw Scotland tae witness the Just an True Power o the Laird of Glum," an though he knew the attitude o Lord Torquil, he wis still takken aback when the Laird laughed so hard he doubled ower wi a coughin fit, but in an instant, The Lochlann had his dirk against the exposed throat o Lord Torquil an he whispered intae the laird's ear: "Ah could slit yer throat an tak yer place an no yin o yer men wid object, because they're as lily-livered an cowardly a boady o men as it's been ma despair tae see," an he sheathed his dirk an sat back doon oan the wee stool, aince again, displayin his respect fer the Honour o the Premier Laird o Scotland in them long-ago times; an div ye ken whit proposition he made tae Lord Torquil? and a forest o hands went up, and Blind Harry scanned the room wi his sightless eyes and selected a wee laddie at the front to speak for all: "he offered tae slay the three baddies in return for the haund o Lord Torquil's beautifullest dochter in marriage!" and Blind Harry stared into the darkness and rubbed his face with his hand; "so, Erchie Ecclefechan, is thon the blurb fer whut ye wud dae?" and the wee smout nodded vigorously, then realised that although Blind Harry had heard his words, he was unable to see his determination, so he said "aye, Sur, Ah wud!" and the Tale-Teller handed the lad a finely engraved dirk, saying: "here's Exhibit A – yer as endowed wi mund as yer Auld Man wis at yer ain age, an ye've earned thon dirk, but naw, thon isnae whut he said."