Edinburgh Daily Chronicle
Three Neighbourhood Watchers Nabbed For Watching!
Worthy of Taggart and Still Game!
Another Cock-Up by Police Scotland!
Three members of Morningside Neighbourhood Watch who decided to carry out 'Pro-Active' rather than 'Passive' Watching for the protection of their community have been arrested on charges under a 12th Century Offence of Smookeeking! while previously, Neighbourhood Watchers tended to do their Watching from the comfort and safety of their own homes, usually behind net curtains, after several incidents of encroaching, or attempted encroaching on their properties, these fearless and courageous women, concerned about the protection of their own families amd all the others who come within their 'Neighbourhood' decided to view their Patch, from the wilds of The Braid Hills after dark, when who knows what creatures might be slithering or creeping through the undergrowth; spotting something suspicious – which they freely admit could be open to a variety of interpretations – they called to the responsible authority for investigating such things, Police Scotland, Morningside Station, where the Senior Officer is Superintendent John Bruse; the Call Centre despatched one car, with two constables, while alerting another two cars to stand-by in case the might be required; at this point the Police did not know who or how many might be involved in the Neighbourhood Watch Operation Thomasina! in due course and within a very creditable five minutes, PCs Wullie Ord and Tommy Inary, arrived on the scene and set off to speak with the Neighbourhood Watch volunteers, to seek further information which had not been given to them by the Call-Centre – but the ladies, accompanied by a sausage dog, attempted to flee the scene; this was the beginning of the mind-boggling Comedy of Errors! the two officers – no malingerers them – were nippy on their toes and quickly overtook the ladies and apprehended them; on instruction from the Call Centre, they arrested the three women under the archaic law prohibiting smookeeking and took them, together with the dog, to the Police Station in the Grassmarket where they were charged with being, in the colloquial, Peeping Thomasinas; the three, detained overnight to appear at the Sheriff Court this morning are: Nancy Rathbone, the Morningside Squiggler for the Edinburgh Evening Dispatch, Madame Madeleine Parmentier, Medium and Clairvoyant and Mrs Janet Askew-Pemberton, widow of the former Director o the Royal Bank of Scotland whose hefty golden handshake was quickly invested in Monifieth House purchased and registered in his wife's name; Sergeant Goldy Brevity, long-time vexillary of the Grassmarket and Cowgate Community Policing Hub and now Inspector in Charge of Morningside and Braid Hills Community Policing Centre, which has it's own Detention Block, Stables and Kennels as well as an excellent Canteen tod this reporter that he sausage-dog Hector has been accommodated in the Kennels and is regarded as a possible Witness for the Defence!