"Oh, ah, yaaaaawn, oh gosh, did I nod off? so sorry, I don't know what came over me, I'm so sorry, what time is it? oh my God, 7.45! at night? morning! oh Jesus! my hubby must be demented, he'll be frantic! what? when? what did you tell him? did he believe you? oh fuck, fuck, fukkity fuck! let me get this clear: you told him I'd gone to see a Planning Applicant called Mary over in Dalgado County but I'd forgotten my phone, yes? well, that wouldn't surprise him, I'm always leaving it in cafes and offices, though I've always got it back, but why would I be out all night, oh, so I called you later from this Mary's place, what did I say? the car was empty? ok, he'd buy that, I keep forgetting to check the fuel level, but why didn't I call him direct? right, so I told you she's not got a landline and the cell-phone signal was poor, I couldn't get through to his phone or the house, ok, yeah they're always working on the towers out there, so how did I reach you? ah!—smart thinking—so you managed to reach a neighbour of Mary who went to Mary's checked on me, that she called you back and told you I'm okay, Mary's husband is going for a can of fuel in the morning, ok, now, let's see who? I know, Mary Wheelhorse, she's a regular pain in the butt with her applications, the paperwork's always a mess, and she rides too close to the bend, sails too close to the wind, walks too close to the edge, okay, gotcha, how did you get Roger's number? oh, smart, I know he's not in there as Roger so you looked up Hubby, I'm impressed, you're a past master at this stuff, Mr Phelim, sorry, what's your surname? okay, MacFarlane, and you're sure you're a reporter, not FBI or CIA? okay, okay, I'm just stressed out with this, so who is Mary's neighbour, sorry, I always snap my fingers when I'm working things out, Mrs, Mrs, Gladys Chantwell, yeah, that's her name, from Trinidad, was a lead singer in a calypso band—oh, long ago, she's well over eighty now—so yeah, she wouldn't want someone she didn't know coming into her house, even to use the phone, but I'm so relieved you let Roger know, he's remarkably easy going, the acme of longanimity, and loyal, and trustworthy, doesn't bear grudges, puts up with a lot, but to be cuckolded a hundred times over and counting by a slut of a wife who can't keep her panties up and her legs together, he just doesn't deserve it, have you got a hankie I can? thankyou, I don't cry easy, but this has been so trying, awwww, that's nice, you are so kind Mr MacFarlane, okay, Phelim, and I do trust you, absolutely!"